Depression

The past two weeks were a strange mix for me. My emotions were all over the place. I loved getting to go home for a short visit but it stirred a deep homesickness in me and caused a minor bout of depression that I couldn’t seem to shake. I miss everyone at home and I miss being part of the church activities. Sometimes out here I feel that I don’t know my purpose even though I try to let my light shine and continue to do some of the “jobs” that I can still do while on the road. I just miss the “hands on” stuff and all the people.

Anyway we got a load that was picking up at a military base near Baltimore and going to Alabama. So we completed that run and was on layover in Alabama. We were staying at a Walmart and it was a nice place. I went over to a nearby tanning salon because sometimes laying in the heat soothes my restless nerves so I chose the 20 minute bed and laid down to relax.

I ended up getting burnt! I have been tanning regularly all summer so I don’t understand why I burnt. But then I also ended up getting a nasty cold sore because of burning. So that didn’t help me feel any better. Now I felt worse. Argh!

We got another military load picking up near us and going to Kentucky. We were hauling some kind of weapons. We arrived at the base the next day and was directed right out onto the airfield to a hanger. Inside the hanger the men were assembling helicopters with machine guns. That was too cool. So we unloaded all that we had and was gone from there. Its too bad we aren’t allowed to talk too much about that stuff.

We went from there to Nashville because we had an appointment to get some work done to our A/C. So it was a an afternoon of sitting in the hot truck while they worked. We couldn’t run our generator inside of their garage. It sure was hot. And it seemed to take a long time but really only took about 2 hours. Then we were offered a load picking up in Huntsville, Al and going to Arkansas. So we headed south from Nashville to Huntsville. We got within 3 miles of our destination when we got word that our load cancelled. Oh my, I hate when that happens.

So we talked to our truck owners and they suggested heading toward Atlanta for layover. So we started going that direction. But we got a load. It was picking up in Olive Branch, MS and going to Iowa. So we started our drive toward Olive Branch. We would have to hurry. We were to get there before 11pm and we told our company that we wouldn’t make it until about 12:30. They told us that would be ok it was a 24 hour facility.

So I started the drive while Pops took a quick nap and then he finished the drive. We got there a little ahead of 12:30 and there was no one there. We called our company and they told us that the company had moved and gave us another address. So we hurried over to that address and there was no one there either.

We made several phone calls and finally Fedex told us to just hang out until morning. So we did. And in the morning when someone finally showed up we realized that it was windmill parts and there was no way that they would fit onto our truck. So we drove hundreds of miles and lost almost an entire nights sleep and now this load cancelled because someone somewhere didn’t do their job right.  Well, till it was all over and the dust settled we ended up getting paid pretty good for that cancelled load. So now here we sit in Olive Branch and it is Saturday.

We have been here before and we know that there is no church for us to attend here. The closest that we have found is 30-40 miles away. So we had our own service. I still wasn’t feeling very good.

Depression and anxiety is a horrible thing to deal with. Usually I can shake it pretty quickly. I have learned what types of things trigger it in me and have learned a lot of coping skills but still sometimes it all seems too real to shake. I hate it.

Then we were offered a load on Sunday that was picking up in Memphis which is pretty close to us and going to Eddysville, Iowa.  So I drove us to Memphis. Our pickup was a place right on the banks of the Mississippi River.

The river is really low. The drought that is affecting a lot of the US has caused these riverbanks to really recede. There was a barge sitting on dry land! Last year at this time everything here was so flooded that many people lost homes. What a change.

Now we began our drive toward Iowa. Pops was driving because he could tell I wasn’t feeling well. I was trying hard to be a bother. I just was quiet, I guess too quiet. Oh I hope it soon passes.

The next morning after getting unloaded we went to a truckstop for a layover and I got our laundry all caught up and done. Then we got another load. It was picking up at a military base in Wisconsin and going to New Hampshire.

We are very familiar with this base. They know us by name now too. So we like going here. We got there the night before and slept at the Walmart that is only 6 miles away. But after getting loaded at the base I started the drive through Wisconsin.

I looked for and spotted several cameras mounted along the highway. I was curious where they were since they showed my photos the last time I was here at the weigh station. The funny thing is, they aren’t even concealed or camouflaged. They are right out in the open.

It is always a long drive through Wisconsin and then down through past Chicago and around the top of Indiana and into Ohio. I got a phone call from Jeff and Jane and it was good to hear from them. They told me all about Bibleschool. We talked for a good while.

Then Pops started to drive and I slept.

I did have to drive some more the next day. I started to drive somewhere near Hartford, CT. and I drove us the rest of the way to the reserve base. We got unloaded really fast and then drove to Portsmouth for our layover.

Portsmouth is a very pretty place right next to the Atlantic Ocean. I kept wanting to find my way there while Pops napped. I know we were only about a mile or two away. But it’s a good thing I didn’t because we ended up getting another load almost right away.

This one was picking up in Massachusetts and going to Buffalo, NY. So I drove us through the rush hour traffic to our pickup. I didn’t want Pops to wake up but he did as soon as he realized that I had accepted a load. So he talked to me while I drove.

We made the pickup and then it was a long drive across the state of Massachusetts and across New York. But this trip across route 90 in New York is so pretty and I don’t mind this trip at all, unless it is winter time.

We went through Albany, near Syracuse, near Rochester and finally into Buffalo. It was an easy trip.

The next day, after a good nights sleep at the TA we drove back into Bufalo to get new tires put on the truck. This is where we saw the Amigone Funeral Home. I just found that so so funny. Am I gone?

Our new tires really made a big difference. We don’t have all that shimmey or bumping anymore. Yay.

Then we drove back to the TA truckstop and I found out that my friend, Deby, and her driving partner were here. They were at the same truckstop. So we had a great little reunion. We sat in the restaurant and talked for many hours. It was so good to see her and I am so glad that she found Alice. She is liking her job now too.

We got  a load that was picking up the next morning in Canada and then going to Memphis. So after telling Deby goodnight Pops and I got a good nights sleep.

We got up early the next morning and was driving through Buffalo toward the Peace Bridge that goes into Canada. We were less than a mile from the bridge when we got a call from Fedex telling us that our load had cancelled. Oh no, not again. This is really getting frustrating.

So we drove back to the truckstop. Not long after that we did get another load offer and we accepted and got that load. It was picking up in Buffalo and going to Alabama. So here we go. It seems we just keep making big gigantic circles. But that’s ok with me as long as we are moving and getting paid.

We are sitting in Birmingham. It is Saturday and Pops has located a church. We are hoping that they return our call. It sometimes seems like these last two weeks went really slowly, then other times it seems it went very quickly.

I miss my kids terribly. But I am feeling  a little better, I guess.

Please pray for Starla and Bill. They are in desperate need of prayer. I wish their circumstances were different. I wish that there was something I could do to help them, but I can’t help. God can do mighty things and I believe that He will in His time. Until then it is hard for them and hard for me to watch. There is a lot of people that are being hurt and they don’t even know it. Just please make mention that God will work in their situation according to His will.

Also, I just found out that my good friend, Jeff is in the hospital. Please say a prayer for him and his wife, Jane too.